'Loosely' Come Dancing

Dear Cathy

I am so pleased to hear that you are alive and kicking - speaking of fancy footwork, it was 'Loosely' Come Dancing last night. No high kicks but a few flicks of the ankles and a couple of heel turns!

In rehearsal, our Foxtrot had ranged from really quite nice to really quite shocking, but since I began suffering from motion sickness about 20 minutes into each session we were not able to spend hours at a time dancing in order to perfect the routine. In the end, we thought that if we looked the part we'd be half way there, and I must say we scrubbed up quite nicely. Unfortunately, Mr Latte and I had to dance first, and my nerves completely got the better of me. Cathy, my heart pounded and my body trembled. The only thing that kept me on my feet was Mr Latte who held his nerve and guided me around the floor. He even managed to lift me at the end of the dance, which the audience seemed to like. What a hero! Other dances included an excellent Jive, a Rumba, a Cha Cha Cha and a Military Two-Step danced by a pantomime dame and her/his (?) side-kick.

There were two judges, Sid Sidebottom who was most ungenerous and scored us 5 (he scored every couple 5 so that was alright). The other judge was very experienced and kept a close eye on the technical aspects of the dance. She was very kind and encouraging, and scored us SE-VEN! A very good score, I thought, considering what a cock-up we made of it. We had been told that the two highest scoring couples would take part in a dance off at the end of the evening, and when the Scottish dancers scored an 8 and the Flamenco dancer scored a 9, I knew I was safe to enjoy my dinner and wash it down with a few buckets of Pinot Grigio. However, it turns out I had misunderstood. The audience was asked to vote for their favourite routines after dinner and the top two couples had to dance off, and you guessed it, the Lattes had to dance again! I have to say that I think we made a slightly better job of it second time around because I really didn't care by then, and everyone seemed to enjoy our performance. Alas, the glitter ball did not come our way, but neither of us fell over and we helped raise much needed funds for a local childrens' charity.

My baking has enjoyed highs and lows this month. The highs were the fabulous flapjacks I made. I think you can appreciate the quality from the picture.

My halloween pumpkin shaped cakes were less successful. They didn't bake as one would expect and they stuck to the silicone bakeware that I purchased specially. A Halloween Horror!

I tried two batches and all the cakes stuck fast, a problem I have never encountered with good old fashioned tins and greaseproof paper. They were stuck so hard, that Little Latte resorted to eating them out of the moulds with a teaspoon! Do you have any experience with silicone Cathy?

That's all for now. I'm off for a well-earned rest. I do hope that little Chino if coping with his nut allergy. Are you sure he's not just putting it on to avoid your baking dear???

Lucy x

Totally nutty

Dear Lucy,
How long it has been! I am ashamed of my lack of support for you in your hour of need. Home improvement upheavals, aged relative relocation AND the challenge of learning to foxtrot all in a matter of weeks and without the support of your old friend. I am so sorry. I do hope that it has all sorted itself out and that your home is tidy and spacious enough to practise your routine in. How I envy you the opportunity to learn to dance; the last time I took lessons was about 10 years ago...

Mr Chino and I had the opportunity for a weekly night out following the birth of Chino-child number 1; Grandma Chino came over every Wednesday to babysit for two days, so we sashayed on down to a local hostelry, the upstairs room of which was the venue for Salsa lessons and the scene of the destruction of my illusions. I had always imagined myself to be rather a good dancer, but I became aware, in no uncertain terms, that I can neither follow instructions nor anyone's lead! Do you remember "Steptoe and Son"? When Harold was taught to ballroom dance by his father? On a night out with a lady he took her in his arms, the music began and they both danced backwards away from each other! He had been taught the woman's steps! If only I had been so successful... Mr Chino and I argued that it was the other who was in the wrong but, eventually, I was forced to concede that it was I. And now 'Strictly' season is upon us again and I am dreaming of sequinned frocks and Anton, but inside I know it will never be me in his arms. I do so hope that you and Mr Latte are fairing better.

As usual, I am missing more television than I manage to catch, but I did see a few Bake-offs and found them to be very good, the men were so dominant this series. They were so imaginative; I can't see myself knocking up anything as exotic as they did, although I did make a very yummy chocolate cake for the Chino twins' birthday, but it was eaten before it was possible to photograph it. It will sound very silly, but I made butter cream for the first time EVER! Very tasty it was, too, and everyone ate it.

Unfortunately, we are having to check every food label, now, however, as one of the Chino twins has been diagnosed as allergic to pistachios and cashews. We have been advised to avoid nuts altogether and now carry antihistamine and an Epipen wherever we go. It's such a faff but, as there is a risk of anaphylaxis, absolutely necessary; we know he is allergic,  but there's no telling how severe a reaction he might have. Who knew there were nuts in so many things?

I do hope that you are well and hope to hear from you sooner than you heard from me.
Much love, Cathy x

Strictly Done Baking

Dear Cathy

I do apologise for my long silence, but it seems like only yesterday that we spent a sunny afternoon together at Attingham Park. I always look forward to the tea rooms but I'm often disappointed. The proof of the pudding really is in the eating isn't it?

It's been a busy summer. Grandma Latte has moved to a little town just down the road from us so that I can keep an eye on her. She is becoming quite obstreperous in her old age. She 'couldn't be bothered' to take her life saving medication one day last week, but insists on a daily ritual of rinsing out the previous days knickers by hand! God help me! Our place is full of half emptied moving boxes which we're sorting through in an effort to persuade her to chuck some stuff but she won't hear of it. There are two broken irons, a coffee percolator that hasn't been used since 1982, and several souvenir magazines commemorating the death of Frank Sinatra, who she loved, and Princess Diana who she loathed! Not to mention souvenirs from her travels including all the African carvings that Grandpa Latte liked so much and some pornographic postcards from Pompei. On top of all that we've got the builders in. I don't know how I cope sometimes. Towards the end of the holiday we spent a few days at the Trefeddian Hotel in Aberdovey which was lovely. A fantastic beach and five course dinners - what more could I ask for? The only down-side was that we never made it to the cheese course as the children were always asleep before it came.

To other news - Mr Latte and myself will be taking part in a local 'Strictly Come Dancing' in a few weeks time. We had our first ballroom lesson on Saturday but I can't say I'm terribly optimistic about our chances of not coming last. We are attempting a Foxtrot, in the manner of Fred and Ginger, but at the moment we couldn't even give Hinge and Bracket a run for their money.

Anyway dear, to baking. I have hardly done anything with all this chaos, but I did make a Quiche Lorraine for a picnic at the weekend. I must say it was scrumdidilyumptious mainly due, in my opinion, to the excellent streaky bacon obtained from my local butchers, and the tasty Gruyere Cheese.

What do you make of the bake-off this year? I rather like the nice young man with glasses and the nice old man with the glasses!

Bye for now, Lucy. x

See you soon!

Well, Lucy, you really are NOT to be out done, are you? I'm impressed, but not a little surprised: how can you be complaining that the house is a mess when you are, seemingly, never there? Your work isn't keeping you that busy, is it? I fear there's a touch of 'pot and kettle' going on when you criticise my domestic standards... But never mind, I'm giving you a few day's notice to get your house in order; the Chino children and I are venturing south on Monday and would love to see you and our mutual friend, Darjee Ling, for a good old chat. Can you arrange that? If the house is in too much of a state, what with the demolition and all, we could meet elsewhere. Talking of demolition, when might you need refuge from Mr Latte's lump hammer? We can always make room for guests, as long as you and the little Latte's don't mind sharing. How exciting!

You asked about my food processor - it's a Kenwood multi-pro - so far I have proven that it grates cheese and makes delicious cakes. NOT as fancy, and nowhere near as expensive, as Margo's machine, but it is good enough for me. How thoughtful of Mr Latte to think of such a lovely anniversary present; Mr Chino would never have come up with that, but, then again, he would never have taken half the house to the charity shop! We can't have everything, can we?

Toodle-pip, for now! REALLY looking forward to seeing you next week.

MUCH love, Cathy x

Dear Cathy

Thank you for your advice regarding the home. I will try to relax a bit - now I understand how your house always gets in such a mess.

You sound very busy this holiday but the Lattes are not to be outdone:

JULY
21st - Delightful 'street party' in neighbouring garden - I took a trifle.
22nd - Barbecue and swimming at a friend's - I drank a whole bottle of Pimms.
23rd - Idyllic picnic on a nearby hillside in warm sunshine.
24th - Dentist.
25th - To Cardiff by train to see first event of the Olympic Games - womens' football.
26th - Haircuts and a visit to Grandma's.
27th - Friends to us for a barbecue and Olympic opening ceremony.
28th - Raspberry picking at a nearby fruit farm then baking - Raspberry and Almond Cake.
29th - Visit to Park Hall Farm to watch pig racing - our pig came last.

I am interested in your new food processor because Mr Latte is thinking of a Kenwood chef as my eleventh wedding anniversary present (steel apparently). I do like the look of those posh Kitchen Aid ones (like the one Margo has) but I am reliably informed that the whisks on those do NOT reach the bottom of the bowl!

Hurrah for our third follower! Actually, Cathy is our first real follower as we know the other two don't we? I therefore calculate that at this rate we will both be dead before we attract 100 followers. Never mind - onward and upward ladies!

With love, Lucy. x

PS How are you fixed for putting up one adult and two children should we venture up north while Mr Latte demolishes the rest of the house?

PPS Would you believe it? I've just returned home from a hard days work to find that Mr Latte has taken a boot-load of things to the charity shop without checking with me first. Now I'm going to have to have the day off work tomorrow to go to the shop when it opens at 10am to find out what he's given them and/or buy it all back - if any of it is still there. I'm SO angry!!!!!

Summer is here!

Hello, Lucy!
So glad to hear that the job is going well, although I feel that your boss has seriously underestimated your talents - time will tell and the truth will out! Chin up dear. And as for housework, look to my motto - perfection is not all it's cracked up to be - that'll do will have to do; don't beat yourself up. Do the grocery shopping on-line; teach the little Lattes some responsibility by having lists of things that they need for that day on the door. Mummy can't and shouldn't be responsible for everything, should she? I firmly believe that, if you're not looking after yourself, the whole family unit will crumble. Do take care of yourself. I shall be visiting shortly to check up on you!
Life has been lovely up here, lately: I have finally treated myself to a new food-processor after struggling on with only a Sainsbury's Basics whisk for a couple of years; Mr Chino and I thoroughly enjoyed Mrs Brown's Boys, but I couldn't possibly repeat any of the jokes to you - far too 'earthy'! We also went to see Tom Jones in concert a couple of weeks ago - what a great show, although I don't think he topped Barry Manilow, if I'm totally honest; and went camping for the first time in a couple of years. I went on a spa day for the bargain price of £25 and, yesterday, we saw a chimney being demolished, a first for us all; it was very graceful and, somewhat, sad - it only took seconds to destroy something that has dominated the Hartlepool coastline for years. As a result of all this galavanting the ironing has piled up and I've only baked one batch of chocolate muffins, but I don't care! We're having a MARVELOUS summer, the sun has shone and the Chino children are managing to behave so far...
More exciting news! We have a new follower! I believe your Herman The German experience may well have been the bait that drew her in, but, whatever the reason, welcome to Cathy! I hope that this is the beginning of a better friendship than Margo and I share... (She's always so critical of my baking efforts!)
Well, Lucy, dear, that's all for now. I'll be seeing you soon, so make sure you are, indeed, looking after number 1.

Much love, Cathy x

School Summer Show Success!

Dear Cathy

Last week was the school summer show which last year, you may remember, was quite disastrous for me. This year I entered one cake only - the classic Victoria Sponge.

I'd had a very busy week and we had visitors so I couldn't take as much care as I might have liked. Nevertheless, I came away with a very respectable second place! First prize was awarded to one of the school teachers - need I say more?

Thank you so much for asking about my new job, at last. It's been a great success so far. I'm doing lots of writing - publicity, press releases and website content. The graphic designer rather pompously told me that he had done all the hard work designing a template and all I had to do was 'colour it in'. He also cautioned me against including 'huge chunks of copy' that people wouldn't want to read - bastard!

Apart from that it really is very satisfying, and my work thus far has been well received. The down side is that domestically, things have spiralled out of control. The kitchen looks like a bomb site, I haven't done a proper grocery shop for weeks, the washing and ironing is piled up in huge bundles (don't tell me not to bother with ironing - I can't bear crinkles) and I seem to forget something crucial for one of the children every day. I am flying by the seat of my pants. Frankly, I don't know how other girls manage!

Anyway, that's all for now dear. I hope to see you in the summer.

Lucy x

Jumbles

Hello, my dear Lucy!
I can't believe that a month has gone by; how naughty of me not to write before now. The terrible thing is that I really don't have an excuse - I can't claim to have been washed away by flash-floods; to have been partying on the Isle of Wight in all that mud, or anything remotely interesting. Life has been rolling along here in its usual way - work, washing, ferrying the Chino children hither and yon to parties and activities, walking the dog between downpours... the usual. I did manage to time it just right this morning, and walked about four miles along the beach from Marske to Saltburn. The weather was glorious (although it's always a little 'fresh' on the Northeast coast) and it only began to spot with rain as I climbed up the sand dunes back to the car. Muffin, our Cocker Spaniel, had a lovely time and is sleeping off her exertions as I write. Every time I go to the coast, I marvel that we used to spend a good 2 hours in the car to Barmouth as children; now it's a 20 minute journey and the children take it for granted! You really must come up and visit over the summer if you can...
This week has been Olympic Week at the children's school - most of which has been rained-off, unfortunately; one saving grace was that, on Tuesday, I was standing behind a fence and could not be dragged into the Mothers' race - skipping this year - I still feel the ignominy of that previous year's event!

I have baked a couple of new things this time - both delicious! Jumbles and Pistachio and Carrot cake, pictured above, from the Great British Bake Off book. The only problem with the Carrot Cake is that I discovered that I'm the only one in the household who likes the stuff; unfortunate as it makes 20 slices! I managed to give most away, having reserved a not-indecent 8 pieces for myself - well I had 4 days in which to eat it! I am going to have to be careful, however, as I recently had a healthy heart check at work and discovered that I have high LDL cholesterol. Is it true that 95% of high cholesterol is due to heredity? I'm hoping so, but am rationing the cakes just in case.

Enough about me, dear; what about your new job? Please don't think that it was ignorance that caused me not to ask, rather I was giving you chance to settle in to it; after all your time not working, I thought it might be a bit of a struggle for you and didn't want to tire you by asking for too much information too soon. Have you read any howling errors? Unintended double-entendres? Do let me know!

Mr Chino and I are off to see 'Mrs Brown's Boys' at the theatre this weekend - I shall have lots of smutty jokes to tell you next time I write!

Write sooner than I did; Cathy x

PS: can you Hula Hoop? I am desperate to learn after watching Grace Jones at the Jubilee concert...

It's a Miracle

Dear Cathy

It's a Miracle you managed to get any baking done you sounded so over-excited in your last post. I have been a huge Barry Fan ever since mother introduced me to 'Manilow Magic' some years ago, and even now I still adore him. I do wish I'd been with you! Did you manage to get backstage?

Last weekend was little Latte's birthday and I've never had such a ghastly group of children in the house. I was sure there was going to be an accident but everyone went home unscathed at two o'clock. 'Looks like we made it' I exclaimed to Mr Latte, only for little Latte number two, to injure her ankle on the trampoline a nano-second later. Mr Latte took the damaged child off to A&E and I asked him to keep me posted via text. He was gone for ages and all the time I was waiting for an update. Finally, she came home - on crutches! Little Latte was holding up very well. She told me all about the lovely nurse called Mandy who plastered her up. 'I wish you'd been there though mummy' she continued, 'I can't smile without you'. It will be a while before she's ready to take a chance again on the trampoline - if I don't burnt it to cinders first that is. We put the children to bed and unfortunately, somewhere in the night Little Latte became quite melancholic. By daybreak however, she had recovered and was looking forward to showing the plaster to her friends at school. Apparently she has to keep flexing her muscles and wiggling her toes. When I asked her what she was doing she said she was trying to get the feeling again. She can't run around in this lovely sunshine so she's spending a lot of time with her leg raised listening to beautiful music - like Barry Manilow!

Anyway, party picture attached - chocolate cake - obviously!



This one's for you, love Lucy.

PS I am slightly miffed that you haven't asked me about my new job - do you even read my letters or are you too busy at the Copacabana to bother?

Baztastic!

Dearest Lucy, I must tell you about my FABULOUS night out last night: Mr Chino, and I travelled to Manchester with a couple of friends to see the rather marvellous Barry Manilow! What a night! Mr Chino was entirely sceptical about the whole thing, not manly enough for him, I fear, and bemoaned his lot the entire journey south. He was able to sympathise with the wife of the couple we went with, as she had bought the tickets as a surprise gift for her husband; both he and I were giddy with excitement and burst into impromptu renditions of "Bermuda Triangle" at the slightest provocation!
We arrived at the Arena after having had our tea at the 'Blue Diamond' chinese restaurant in Rochdale (should you ever be in those parts, let me recommend the Satay Chicken, Mongolian Style - delicious!) and quickly found our seats high up in block 204. We had a good view of the stage, I'm pleased to say, and any action was shown on two large screens on either side; the warm up act was a comedian (I use that term loosely) but he wasn't on for too long, thankfully. Anyway, with glow sticks firmly in hand the excitement grew and I was all of a dither when the legend, that is Barry, came on to the stage. No sooner had the opening bars of "It's a miracle" been played, than Mr Chino was waving his glow stick in the air and singing along; he was even on his feet and dancing when, later in the set, 'Copacabana' was played! I must confess that Mr Manilow is not a natural dancer and that anything above his lips failed to move all night, but he knows how to belt out a tune, doesn't take himself too seriously and puts on one heck of a show. I can thoroughly recommend him for a good night out.
Basking in the after-concert glow we wended our way northwards and home, the haunting strains of "One voice" ringing in our ears. It was a night of musical magic and, for one night only Mr Chino had become a Fanilow! Alas, he soon returned to his normal gruff and crusty self, almost as if he and Barry had never shared the love, and I fear that tomorrow morning he will deny all knowledge of our shared experience. Never mind, I will always have the vision of his smiling face by the light of a thousand glow sticks as we sang "Mandy" together...
On the baking front, I've had chocolate muffins coming out of my ears having baked for my Year 11 leavers and number 1 Chino child's post Year 6 SATs celebration: 56 muffins in two days! I did try making a Chocolate Fudge topping to decorate them with, which was very well received, although, as usual, it all looked a bit rustic.
I'm hoping that your life is ticking along nicely. Do let me know all your latest news. Have you seen Margo lately?

Much love,

Cathy x

England 1 - Germany 0

Dear Lucy,
Fancy that! We have made a Herman the German friendship cake, too! It was a bit of a faff, stirring etc over the 10 days, I agree. But what I found most difficult, was trying to find three other people to take the cake off my hands after 10 days; the north East of England seemed to have suffered an invasion of German cakes!
Tell your little Lattes that a much nicer, and quicker, alternative is the Apple Scone Round in our baking bible. Yum.
Will write again, soon.
Much love,
Cathy x

Herman the German

Dear Cathy

How lovely to hear that you and Sally met up over Easter. Margo and I also found time to see each other and we went on a trip to the Theatre Grand, Wolverhampton, to see the spooky Derren Brown. I must confess I have quite a crush on Derren, which is odd, because I understand he's gay. I was desperate to be picked out from the crowd and ushered onto the stage and waved my arms in the air shouting 'pick me, pick me' at every opportunity. Part way through the show Derren asked a volunteer to pick someone from the audience to help on stage. 'Pick anyone you like' he said, 'but don't pick anyone who is waving their hands in the air shouting "pick me, pick me" because they're always a ****ing nightmare'. Typical!

Now I must tell you about Herman the German. A couple of weeks ago I was asked if I would like to bake a Friendship Cake. I had no idea what a friendship cake was so I said 'yes please'! The next day I was handed a small tub with some slimey gloop in the bottom and a set of instructions. The first thing to do was to decant the gloop into a large mixing bowl and cover with a clean tea towel. When I opened the tub to scrape out the contents with my spatula I nearly fainted as the gloop looked and smelt rather unpleasant. (Did you ever see that film called 'The Blob'?)

Nevertheless, I persevered, stirring the mixture every day and adding ingredients as required. Each day, the mixture bubbled and fizzed, and grew in volume. It was quite a relief to stir it as this knocked all the air out and seemed to calm it down a bit. Ten days later the mixture was four times the size and ready to bake. It still looked and smelt unpleasant despite the vast amount of sugar that had gone into it. I baked the enormous cake and do you know, it was surprisingly mediocre.

It's a bit like a cakey apple strudel but not really worth ten days of effort in my humble opinion. In fact, right at the start of the process, when I told the little Lattes we were going to make a special cake that would take ten days, they asked 'Why don't we make an ordinary cake and then we can eat it today?". They've got a point, but if you'd like to know more take a look at:

http://www.hermanthegermanfriendshipcake.com/

Love Lucy x

PS Did I tell you I've got myself a little job fannying around with press releases for a few hours a week?

Panda-monium!

My dear Lucy, how are you? So sorry it's been a while since I wrote but this time of year is positively bonkers! Work is hectic, but it was ever thus, and the house is a mess as a consequence: if I'm working, the ironing suffers, as does the cleaning and baking is a distant goal. Then there's the boys' extra-curricular activities to factor in and the dog MUST be exercised. Book club is a monthly event, but one has to read the book. I could do with a holiday, but of course we've just had one:  the Chino Clan drove to EuroDisney this Easter and had a very jolly time. We went on the EuroStar and, although it was quite a bizarre experience, we were all very impressed!
I know you'll be wondering why I have made reference to Pandas, well, let me tell you...
The Wednesday before Easter was Number 1 son's birthday and our dear friend Sally Suchong hadn't sent a card. 'Odd,' I thought, as she is usually so meticulous about these things. Anyway, about half way through the morning, I received a phone call to say that she and her family were on their way back from Edinburgh (having spent a few days there and visited the zoo) and could they 'drop in'! I haven't seen her in over a year, and she hasn't been to visit since you and she came to our house in Rochdale before any of us dreamed of our current lives. I didn't have time to bake and tried to make a dent in the chaos of our kitchen (don't tell Margo, please, it'd only give her more ammunition against me), but it was lovely to see her and she was very polite about the state of the house... Furthermore, I'm delighted to inform you that the pandas had seemed very interested in each other, so there may well be the patter of tiny paws in the not too distant future. I do love a good love story.
I did manage a quick bake today: I made some Victoria Sponge mixture and added some desiccated coconut. Now we'll have coconut buns in our packed lunches this week! No time to take a photograph, yet, hopefully I can add one later.

Going to tackle the boys' uniforms ready for school tomorrow; toddle-pip!

Cathy x

Chocolate Shortbread

Dear Cathy

I'm so sorry I didn't write last weekend but I spent most of Saturday and Sunday talking to the Producer of Radio 4s 'Woman's Hour'. As you know I'm a regular listener, and I had contacted the programme to complain about the way stay-at-home mothers are talked about as 'sat at home mashing bananas'. How very dare they! Needless to say, my comments were picked up straight away and 'Kirsty' telephoned me personally to invite me on to the programme. She made a point of saying how eloquent I was and thought I'd come across very well on Radio 4. I was to broadcast on Monday morning with none other than Jane Garvey! I spent all weekend preparing, strangely though, in the end the call never came. I can only assume that they lost my number...

I used the time to bake some chocolate shortbread, and I must say I think there might be an error with the recipe, or at least with the way it's been written up. I was in a rush so I took the easy option, putting all the ingredients into my Magimix and blasting them. The recipe said the mixture should look like coarse sand after this, which it did. The next instruction was to transfer 'the dough' into the prepared tin. Well, I didn't have dough,  I had coarse sand. 'Perhaps I've missed a stage' I thought. 'It must need something wet to bind the sand into a dough. An egg perhaps or some milk?' I read the recipe again but nothing, so I just tipped the mixture into the tin as it was, and put the mention of dough down to an editorial oversight. I think I was right because the shortbread was lovely. I would recommend cutting it into smaller pieces however, as it was rather rich.

Well, the children are off school for the next two weeks and the Latte's will be spending Easter weekend in the Royal Borough of Windsor. We'll be visiting the castle, walking around the Great Park and having some fun at Legoland!

Ta ta, Lucy. x

Countryfile

Dear Margo

How fabulous you were on Countryfile! I rang everyone I know to tell them you'd be on. Some of the ladies in the village misunderstood and thought you were the expert on food miles. I had to tell them that you were being featured as the 'ordinary person'. How lucky you were to get so close to John Craven and share your Marmalade Loaf with him, no wonder you had sticky fingers afterwards.

Toodle Pip, Lucy.

Bloody Margo!

Well, Lucy, she's at it again! Hobnobbing with the 'Country File' crew - is that what happens when you get yourself a new kitchen? Can that woman get any more superior? I'm surprised she condescends to write to such a mere mortal as you... What inside information do you have on her? Is there a skeleton in her Smallbone of Devizes cupboard, I wonder. I know I shouldn't let her get to me, but she's fast becoming a major source of irritation - like itching powder in one's underwear. I do hope that she's not going to come between us; you know how much I value your friendship and, at times like these, 200 miles may as well be 2000. Even my cakes have sagged this week. Do say she riles you a little, won't you?

I'm afraid that Margo's purchase of 'our' book and her delightful-looking Marmalade Cake sent me scurrying into the pages of another cookery tome: "The Great British Bake Off: how to bake"; I just had to put a little distance between us.

Anyway, comfort was needed, so chocolate was the answer! A girl at school has Turner's Syndrome and was doing a cake stall to raise funds, so I made Chocolate Crackles (yummy biscuits) for her and Chocolate Chilli Cake for me. Both were delicious; she raised £80 and I expanded my waistline!

The cake is quite extraordinary, you get a variety of flavours from the chocolate, ginger, chilli and treacle that seem to develop as the cake matures. I've had it a week now (none of my brood will eat it as it isn't pure chocolate) and it's still moist and delicious. Perfect with a cup of tea.

Well dear, all this talk of cake has reminded me it's lunchtime, so I'll send this and get on. Hope all is well with you, I haven't even asked (sorry).

Love to you, my dear friend,

Cathy x

PS: I've just had a naughty thought - I wonder if Margo's cake contained any of those strange black things that were in the jar of marmalade she gave to you? I do hope she didn't damage a tooth...

PPS: Be careful; I think she may be delusional: Country File wasn't anywhere near your neck of the woods last Sunday. The TV listings for the next two weeks don't look good for Margo, either. Were they even at her house?

PPPS: Alas, not delusional at all. Having watched said episode on BBCiPlayer, I can confirm that she did eat with John and Mike and that her kitchen is gorgeous. Bloody Margo!

Margo's Sticky Marmalade Tea Loaf

Dear Lucinda

Just wanted to drop you a quick line to 1/ say how lovely it was to see you recently and 2/ inform you that I have just purchased that little cookery book you and Cathy Chino are so fond of, and lo and behold, would you believe it, when I unwrapped it, it mysteriously fell open at page 130
Sticky Marmalade Tea Loaf. Well, that was it, pinny on and away I went.

I left it for Mr Mocha to put in the Aga as I had to dash to meet that nice man off the television, John Craven. We did a spot of filming at the local supermarket, then back to our house for more filming - Sound man, Camera man and Director all in toe. Luckily, I had already made my trademark chocolate cake (apologies Ms Collister, dare I say it, a recipe from my dear old friend Delia) which we all washed down with mugs of hot tea and cafetiere coffee, then on with the filming. We chatted about the carbon footprint of our food, which I am now very well educated about thanks to 'Mike' the expert. Next, a spot of cooking with 'Kale'. I have it on good authority that it used to be fed to cattle, but it was very tasty with chicken and potatoes, even middle Mocha enjoyed it. Alas, tiny Mocha was more interested in his Mario Party on the Wii, than the lights, cameras and other TV paraphernalia taking up my kitchen. So, now we wait with great anticipation for the broadcast of 'Countryfile' on 11th March.
I only pray we don't live to regret it and end up on Harry Hill's TV Burp!

I digress, back to my baking. The loaf was delicious, but my advice would be to have a wet-wipe handy for sticky fingers!

Ta Ta for now

Margo xx

Carrot Cake

Dear Cathy

I don't know which is worse, using that state-of-the-art food mixer while all the time professing to be a purist, or owning such a magnificent machine just for show!

This weekend we had a visitor staying and I know he is particularly partial to a carrot cake. What with all my voluntary work, I didn't get chance to bake on the Friday he arrived, although I did serve up a tasty lasagne with a crisp green salad for supper, followed by a couple of bottles of red wine.
By the time I went to bed I had become quite political and was slurring a bit, but luckily I didn't stray beyond the bounds of good taste. The next day I was a bit dizzy but still produced a glorious butternut squash and red pepper soup (recipe courtesy of Margo) and aforementioned carrot cake.

The cake was easy to make as it's one of those recipes that contains vegetable oil rather than butter (sounds awful doesn't it?), but you just throw everything together, slop it into two cake tins and pop it in the oven. It was quite a dark mixture, what with all that brown sugar, and little Latte said it looked like poo when we put it in to bake. (It didn't stop her licking the bowl out.) The cake was very tasty and super-moist, and I became over-confident with the icing. I made it in a rush and it turned out to be runny and lumpy - like sick! I had to throw it away and start again, this time adding the cream cheese to the butter and orange juice, little by little, in order to prevent it from curdling. Et voila! De Gateau aux Carrottes!

Well dear, must get on. Mr Latte and the little ones are at the village hall rehearsing for the pantomime and I want to use the time to get a few jobs done. I applied some beautiful stage make-up to the children before they left - they looked like two miniature Margot Fonteyns. I turned my back for two minutes and some official had gone over the top of my artistry with some luminous bright blue eye shadow. Unbelievable! Mark my words, if they come out in a rash someone will feel my boot up their arse!

Much Love, Lucy. x

Little Pots of Baked Chocolate

Hello dear!

I can't say I'm surprised at all by Margo's ostentatious new kitchen - if ever there was a woman who had it all and never tired of telling us about it, it's her. Chandeliers?! But I do see a chink in her armour - did you say a shiny red food processor? I thought Margo was a stickler for the wooden spoon and mixing bowl; what a duplicitous woman she is. I shall no longer feel inferior because I have to get by with a Sainsbury's Basics electric whisk! I can work wonders with it and don't need to pretend; I bet she distresses shop bought mince pies at Christmas and passes them off as her own...

This evening I am feeling most satisfied, even a little smug. After a particularly challenging week, I decided that the Chino Family needed a little spoiling and set to planning a lovely evening meal. We ate chicken and mushroom risotto followed by Little Pots of Baked Chocolate (heavenly!) and yes, the 'molten chocolate centre' did 'ooze out' as I broke the crust. I believe that even Raymond Blanc would have been impressed.

[This picture was taken after the pudding had cooled so, Margo, the inside is not oozing.]

The recipe required 300g of good plain chocolate; when I came to inspect the contents of my larder cupboard, I only had 200g of Bourneville; drat! I rifled through the fridge and found another 50g and a single chocolate from a Christmas variety box; getting closer! But how could I make up the final 50g? In desperation (on so many levels) I was forced to use the last of my Cherry Green & Blacks. What resulted was actually quite pleasant, however, one of my youngest nearly went apoplectic when he came across the alien fruit in his desert. Honestly, if it's not a banana, he won't go near it. I bet Margo's children eat all sorts of exotic things. By the way, what is that black speck in the marmalade? Heaven forbid it's anything untoward; as long as it's not your charred flesh, Lucy...

Speak soon, Cathy x

Margo's Marmalade

Dear Cathy

Nice of you to drop me a note but I wasn't worried about you. I remember only too well last year when you went AWOL for a month and it turned out you were sitting on your backside without a care in the world somewhere on the Costa del Sol. I was beginning to wonder about Margo though, as we haven't heard from her for a while, so I popped in on her today.

It was a surprise visit, and I found her in her newly remodelled kitchen making Marmalade. The kitchen looked beautiful I must say. She has a classic cream Aga, a stylish kitchen island, several stained-glass windows, one of those fab red food mixers they use on The Great British Bake-Off, and not one, but two HUGE chandeliers. The place was spick and span, and there she was, just about to do the wrinkle test - on her Marmalade.
When the boiling mixture had reached setting point she lifted the huge preserving pan off the Aga and poured the contents into jars (and over the table) 'freehand'. I was holding the jars steady and let me tell you it's a wonder I've got any skin left on my arms. If you want to know what to buy Margo for Christmas next year, for god's sake get her a funnel. Anyway, while I was there she made a phone call and while she was distracted I took the opportunity to run my finger along a few of the less conspicuous work surfaces, but not a trace of muck anywhere. (I bet her bedroom is strewn with wet towels and dirty underpants.) She was kind enough to send me home with a (small) jar of her freshly made marmalade - pictured. I could ask her to write with the recipe if you were interested?

Did I ever tell you about the time Margo and I went to see The Vagina Monologues together? We were waiting for curtain-up and Margo was just telling me that she'd left her brood with a roast chicken, stuffing, roast potatoes, carrots, beans, cauliflower, cabbage and god knows what else, when she received a text from Mr Margo which read: "No gravy - gutted!"
I'd left Mr Latte a piece of toast on a plate with an unopened tin of sardines on top. Some men don't know they're born do they?

Speak soon dear. Love Lucy. x

PS Did I tell you about my new Breville 'Cafe Style Sandwich Press'???

Happy New(ish) Year!

Happy New Year, Lucy! I can't believe that we're almost in February! Where is the time going?

I have to apologise for my lack of baking - I'm afraid that my beloved has transmogrified into somewhat of a foodie fascist in a bid to rid himself of a spare-tyre's worth of festive fayre. The least mention of anything more fattening than a limp crudite has him launching into a rant about health and fitness. I wouldn't mind, darling, but there is a cupboard full of left-over chocolates that I'm having to consume, surreptitiously; it's a dirty job, but someone has to do it...

I'm hoping to be able to bake later in the week as the Chino children are about to take packed lunches to school, and shall want something 'cakey' to accompany their sandwiches. I do hope it all goes well, Mr Chino has volunteered to make their lunches, but I have a sneaking suspicion that the responsibility will fall to me ere long; 'twas ever thus - I remember the long discussions we had as a family before we got the dog, last summer: "Oh, yes! We'll all walk her!", "I'll get up at 6 o'clock in the morning to take her around the block, Mum.", "We'll have lovely family walks at the weekend!"Needless to say, I'm the only person who remembers the aforementioned conversations and the only one who turfs out at all hours and in all weathers! (But that's how I can get away with finishing-off all of the chocolates without my jeans giving me away!)

I'll write to you again very soon, with results of my latest bake.

Hope all is well with you and that your oven is sparkling, once again.

Much love, Cathy x